Game: What is game? Dictionary.com defines it as “a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.”
Now there are a few major problems I see with this definition. Firstly, it’s implying that there are “a set of rules.” Now I don’t know about you, but the people I’ve been “playing” with apparently didn’t get the same “rules” that I received. My rules clearly stated that:
No Lying – You’re attempting to make a sincere connection with someone and if you lie during this all too important “dating” stage you risk misleading the other person about WHO you actually are. Not only that but if you aren’t authentic during the initial “dating” phase you might find yourself in a relationship that you are left asking “how and the heck did I end up with this person!?” Well, the reason you ended up with that person is because you were both full of crap in the beginning and instead of you both presenting your TRUE selves you presented the “movie trailer” version that only emphasizes the awesome parts and leaves out all of the stuff that sucks about you. Stuff like… “I’m a chain smoking sex addict who once avoided jail time by pleading to a lesser charge and since I wasn’t 18 I managed to keep that shit sealed and therefore you can “Google” my name all you want but you’re never going to find out I’m a psychopathic train wreck who’s going to ruin your life and your credit, until it’s too late!” Live. Laugh. Love!
Now I’m making jokes and am exaggerating (slightly) with the above scenario but stuff like that DOES happen. I’m not going to put down my life experiences but I’ve had enough to tell you that I’ve seen it first hand… and survived. I don’t want to see any of my fellow man (or women) end up in these situations. They aren’t fun and if you aren’t of solid character, can really damage your outlook towards the opposite sex. My mom once gave me some solid advice which is, “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.” What a concept! Think about it… you can be completely unfiltered, authentic and sincere, with ZERO fear of the outcome. What a novel idea! Imagine all of the time and energy you could save by being so completely YOU that the other person is able to make a fairly quick decision about their level of interest. They can either move forward in the relationship or figure out that there is no future romantically, in a matter of minutes!
The moral of the story… Don’t be full of crap. Be yourself. Believe in what you have to offer. If you think she looks good, tell her. If you think she’s wrong about her methods to dieting and you in fact know for sure that “consuming large quantities of laxatives is NOT the most effect way to fit into that size 3″… tell her she’s wrong. Men and women need to stop being so “agreeable” while on dates, unless it’s sincere. I’ve got an incredibly sick sense of humor. Virtually NOTHING is off limits for me when goofing around and joking. Which is ironic since the majority of my writings and advice center around spirituality, love and empathy… but that doesn’t mean that stuff isn’t funny. Have you SEEN a duck billed platypus!? Believe me, “Universe/God” has a sense of humor.
But I digress… The point is to be fearlessly YOU. Have some faith that the person sitting across from you will accept and be interested in the authentic version of you. If not… who cares!? That’s the whole point. You’re skipping through the bull and presenting the “truth” of who you are. I’m a fairly charming and intelligent dude… I’ve pursued and been in relationships with people who I KNEW weren’t going to be right for me. I was so wrapped up in the pursuit I forgot to ask myself a simple question “what happens when I actually GET them?”
Those are the messy breakups… when you have to dump someone for some shit that you ALREADY KNEW about them and you pursued them anyway. They’re going to look at you like “wtf, jerk? I told you I lost my pinky toe in a freak lawn mowing accident on our first date. But NOW it’s a problem that it’s summer and you don’t want your friends to see me in sandals because they’ll tease you about it!?” I’ve had women I began dating bring up the fact I have children well after the first date and how they, “could never be a step mom.” Wow! Thanks, probably something you could have let me know on the first date when I was showing your ass my family on Facebook.
Most relationship books and “Guru’s” are going to tell you to use a shotgun approach to dating. That might work for some but not this guy. I can’t stand sifting through person after person who I intuitively knew I wouldn’t get along with. But some writer some where wrote in FHM magazine that it’s the “best approach” and so here I am sitting across from my 4th awful date this week. Now, if this method works for you… kudos! Continue doing it. I on the other hand prefer using a sniper like approach. What is the “sniper approach” you may ask? I target potential mates early on. Obviously, the looks are important. However, for me it’s much more important to see what kind of character a woman has. I want to know what’s beyond the 2 lbs of makeup and self tanner. I’ve dated/married “beautiful” women, who’ve appeared in magazine pages and runways around the country. Bleh… Show me something. I want more. The looks are a wonderful bonus but I don’t want to find myself riding in the car with you after 6 months, thinking “I wonder if I’m going slow enough for her to tuck and roll with minimal injury, so I won’t have to listen to anymore of her idiocy?”
I find it hilarious that men are deathly afraid of this mythical place called “The Friendzone” *boogity boogity!*. If your goal is just to “hook up” or “casually date” then yes, this isn’t the place you want to find yourself. However, if you’re looking for a legitimate “long term relationship”. The “Friendzone” is EXACTLY where you want to be. Men who can’t escape the friendzone simply don’t know how to project enough confidence and self-esteem to create attraction and sexual tension. If you want help with that you’re going to have to read a different article. I’m making the assumption that you already know how to flirt and create that type of sexual energy. The beautiful thing about the friend zone is that you’re allowing someone in and you’re both being authentic. There isn’t any ulterior motives or expectations. It allows you both to decide, based on that friendship whether they’re someone you want to wake up next to for the rest of your lives. Essentially what I’m saying is, start introducing yourself to and making friends with, people you find attractive. That way if you DO decide they’re someone you’d like to pursue later on, you don’t have to worry about being attracted to them. I LOVE the friendzone. Every meaningful, worthwhile relationship I’ve had, began that way.
I’m going to leave you with a few simple words. Be authentic. Be sincere. Be fearless and most of all have fun. Men/Women love to be around people who make them feel good about who they are and the easiest way to accomplish that is by having a good, positive vibe.
Finding love is impossible because love finds you. Learn to love you and you’ll find that you become an irresistible, magnetic force for quality mates.